- Funny Quotes About Gambling
- Gambling On Love Quotes
- Gambling Sayings
- Quotes About Gambling Addiction
- Gambling Quotes Funny
Explore 159 Gambling Quotes by authors including Ambrose Bierce, Scott Adams, and Hunter S. Thompson at BrainyQuote.
Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes Bovada withdrawal methods. as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
- The best quotations about Gambling. The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.
- Jun 06, 2019 Throughout history, many land-based and online casinos have attracted people from all over the world. Therefore, countless inspirational casino quotes have been written by the people who have had an impressive gambling experience or understand exactly how games of chance work.
Registering games online. 1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I'll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes
2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I'd do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes
5) What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes
9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah. Acrobat reader dark mode mac.
10) What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
Share these gambling jokes with your friends
12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) 'I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'' 'Please check at the fantastic literature counter.'
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.
Funny Quotes About Gambling
I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'
'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'
'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, 'Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks.'
The bartender said, 'That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first.'
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. 'Where did you get all that money?' asked the bartender.
'I'm a professional gambler,' replied the man.
The bartender said, 'There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?'
'Well, I only bet on sure things,' said the guy.
'Like what?' asked the bartender.
'Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,' he said.
The bartender thought about it. 'Okay,' he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. 'Aw, you screwed me,' said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
'I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,' said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, 'Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet.' So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
'Aw, you screwed me again!' protested the bartender. Auto script writer 2 larry keys download.
'That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,' said the man.
Gsn casino not working. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, 'Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.'
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. 'Okay, you're on,' he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, 'Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!'
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, 'That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!'
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Liked these gambling jokes? Then share them with everyone you know.
Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com
Liked this page?
Then why not get our iOS app from Apple App Store? Then you will have the world's biggest collection of jokes and inspiring quotes right in your pocket, and the app will work faster than the site, so it will save you time and keep you entertained.Check These Out:
Gambling On Love Quotes
Please Like Us On Facebook Or Follow Us On Pinterest Now
We have picked nine of our favorite gambling quotes and listed them below, along with some details about the people that made them and our take on what they mean. These quotes stand out for us as they either contain excellent advice or are great reflections of what gambling is all about.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes
9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah. Acrobat reader dark mode mac.
10) What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
Share these gambling jokes with your friends
12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) 'I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'' 'Please check at the fantastic literature counter.'
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.
Funny Quotes About Gambling
I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'
'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'
'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, 'Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks.'
The bartender said, 'That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first.'
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. 'Where did you get all that money?' asked the bartender.
'I'm a professional gambler,' replied the man.
The bartender said, 'There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?'
'Well, I only bet on sure things,' said the guy.
'Like what?' asked the bartender.
'Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,' he said.
The bartender thought about it. 'Okay,' he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. 'Aw, you screwed me,' said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
'I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,' said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, 'Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet.' So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
'Aw, you screwed me again!' protested the bartender. Auto script writer 2 larry keys download.
'That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,' said the man.
Gsn casino not working. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, 'Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.'
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. 'Okay, you're on,' he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, 'Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!'
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, 'That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!'
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Liked these gambling jokes? Then share them with everyone you know.
Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com
Liked this page?
Then why not get our iOS app from Apple App Store? Then you will have the world's biggest collection of jokes and inspiring quotes right in your pocket, and the app will work faster than the site, so it will save you time and keep you entertained.Check These Out:
Gambling On Love Quotes
Please Like Us On Facebook Or Follow Us On Pinterest Now
We have picked nine of our favorite gambling quotes and listed them below, along with some details about the people that made them and our take on what they mean. These quotes stand out for us as they either contain excellent advice or are great reflections of what gambling is all about.
Gambling Sayings
This is a quote from Baltasar Gracián y Morales, a 17th century philosopher. We like it because, several hundred years later, it remains one of the single best pieces of gambling advice. If you can learn to quit when you are ahead, then you have an excellent chance of being a successful gambler.
This is an Irish proverb which highlights one of the biggest mistakes a gambler can make: chasing losses. In the same way that you have to know when to quit when you are ahead, there's also a time to cut your losses and quit.
For many gamblers, this quote neatly sums why they gamble. It's not just about the money itself, it's the joy of winning it. The quote was from the movie The Color of Money, said by the character Fast Eddie Felson – played by Paul Newman.
Andrew Beyer highlighted one of the biggest failings of gamblers in this quote: letting emotions cloud judgment. Beyer was an expert on horse racing betting, writing four books on the subject. He also designed the Beyer Speed Figure, a system for rating Thoroughbred racehorses.
The origins of this proverb aren't entirely clear. It's a simple statement but entirely true. If a horse you have bet on wins, you'll always wish you had bet more on it. The premise applies to any form of gambling.
Really, this quote could apply to life in general. It was actually made in the context of poker, by Steve Badger. Badger owned one of the first, and best, websites dedicated to educating poker players. In this quote he's pointing out that if you think you know it all you are sadly mistaken.
This is from poker player V. P. Pappy. We could pick a number of quotes from him as he's made several great ones, but this is probably our favorite in terms of the advice it contains. He is making the excellent point that good money management is absolutely essential to successful gambling.
This quote is from the James Bond book (and movie) Casino Royale, written by Ian Fleming. It emphasizes a mistake that many gamblers make: blaming bad luck instead of trying to work if they made a bad play or bet.
Quotes About Gambling Addiction
Something of a tongue in cheek quote this one, from Jack Yelton. He is essentially highlighting the fact that you are likely to lose money playing casino games. He's right of course; the house does have an edge over the long term.
Gambling Quotes Funny
That doesn't mean that casino games should be avoided at all costs, as they are great fun and it's possible to win money if you get lucky. It's just important to recognize that the odds are ultimately against you.
